This is a special Valentine’s Day Post!
Love is something we all crave for, yearn for all our lives thanks to its exaggerated depiction in all books and movies. Falling in love is easy however keeping it is hard. We all get married dreaming of romantic getaways, perfect intimacy and a life full of roses, gifts and affection.
However, with marriage come responsibilities: there are in laws, children, financial tensions, conflict of expectations and dreams until you find yourself in a dream turned sour.
You ask yourself, where did I go wrong? What did I not put into this relationship to make it work?
If you are in the same situation this blog post will help you to get out of it this Valentine’s day. This is from a post on a Facebook group Soul Sisters Pakistan, a group focused towards women empowerment and helping in women realize their true potential whether in professional or personal lives.
This is being posted with the permission of the original poster.
“I am a young woman who like any other person had many problems in life especially in my relationship with my husband. I sometimes used Soul Sisters Pakistan and sometimes seeked advice of my friends or family but I couldn’t reach a solution.
I even used some free counseling sessions on Internet like 7cups etc. or joined online women support groups for easing my worries.
Anyways some advices worked others just back flipped on me. I kept going in circles until I found this advice on a relationship blog that when people come for advice to a certain marriage counselor in US what he does is ask them to write down their problems in the form of a query seeking help much like what we do on Facebook Support Groups. Then he asks the person to show the query/problem as it is to his/her spouse and come back.
The surprising thing is that a large number of couples NEVER come back after this.
I tried doing the same thing with my husband this weekend. I had posted two three queries previously on various support groups. I took screens shots of them AS IT IS and showed them to my husband.
The conversation that followed afterwards was eye opening for me as well as him. He had a reason for his behavior, I had mine. We both felt we were justified in OUR heads. We both had very different languages of love. For him providing and taking care of family seemed enough form of love whereas my kind of love required affirmation through emotional connection and not materialistic things.
His complaint was that I didn’t show enough excitement when he bought me stuff (because I always thought he did it out of duty) and my problem was that he didn’t show me enough love through physical contact (barring intercourse)
I am posting this anonymously because yesterday I had the best day/night of my life after six years of marriage because I wasn’t only physically but also emotionally nude in front of my husband. The same situation was with him.
I thoroughly seemed forgiveness for the things I had done to hurt him (and trust me there were so many…little little things I never knew he found hurtful about me)
Similarly, he asked forgiveness for his deeds. Things he did which hurt me but he NEVER knew because I never told him
I think the main problem with relationships is that our language of love is totally different. Every body seeks to find love in different ways. A simple touch of your hand may not seem a big deal to you but your spouse could be reading a million things in it.
The thing is try to understand each other’s language of love which is very different from what books and movies have taught us.
May Allah bless you all!”
Featured Image: https://www.pexels.com/
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